Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Smoking


I am quitting. I have quit many times before, only to allow myself to cave in to the addiction, the camaraderie, the breaks. But the longer I smoke, the more I smoke.

I don’t consider myself a smoker. I just always knew I would quit one day, since I've done it in the past. But quitting has become harder and harder. As I smoke more, I find myself getting ill more often, battling bronchitis a few times a year and coughing year round. My clothes and car stink. If I smoke in my house---which has only happened a few times---I feel guilty for giving my dogs second hand smoke.

I have developed a slight cough, and when I laugh I can’t breathe. I can’t talk or sing for long without taking a breath. A coworker coughs so hard on a regular basis that I fully expect to see a black lung land on her desk one day as she coughs it up. Splat! I am surrounded by smokers at work.

My niece was making a coughing noise the other day, and my sister asked, “Are you choking?” “No mama, I cough like Kristi.” Tina started laughing, and I did to. But the seriousness of the comment wasn’t lost on me. It made me ashamed.

I have tried over and over to quit. My coworkers have made it hard to quit, by talking me into smoking with them. But I’m easily swayed. This weekend I went to San Antonio and couldn’t smoke the whole trip. So it got me through the first 3 days of non-smoking.

Now I’m on day 5. So far, so good.


5 comments:

luke said...

that's cool! good luck on the endeavor.

so are you going to replace it with any other habit? going cold turkey or using a patch or gum or anything?

Kristi said...

I don't believe in patches or gum. I am going cold turkey. Day 6! But I know that I'm a pig, and I will eat more. I have a ton of fruit at my desk that I'm eating during the day. You never break a habit, you replace it with a new one.

Jeff said...

Good for you. I know you can do it! I have always believed in you.

Phyllis Renée said...

I don't consider myself a smoker either, Kristi (I only smoke at home. Outside.). And I'm going on vacation in a couple of weeks and staying at a smoke-free resort. OMG!! For an entire week!

Good luck!!

Kristi said...

Ah, kindred smokers - - I mean spirits! Well, I'm on day 7. And it's been my best day so far. I love not worrying about coughing, my clothes or hair stinking, etc. My trip forced me to do it

Day 1: I was strong, but became depressed. I became very tired (smoking is a stimulant).

Day 2: I wanted to sell anything for a quick drag behind a tree. I mean ANYTHING. I was so tired and hated all who smoked whimsically.

Day 3: Relatives who normally don't get on my nerves were driving me batty. i wanted to kill all in my path--after a drag, anyway.

Day 4: Renewal. i felt good. i felt strong. I prayed no one at work tried to pursuade me.

Day 5: I felt empowered to be smoke free.

And each day it's gotten easier. Except after that cake last night.

so, you can do it!!!!!!!