Thursday, June 25, 2009

Getting Healthy . . . . . .Slowly

Dieting is a bitch. Food is my biggest addiction. I have no will power when it comes to sweets. Reunions, holidays, house warming parties, etc. They are all kicking my fat, white butt. Cake and sweets are everywhere. I’m a very picky eater-- I don’t like most veggies. So finding a good balance is hard. The Southbeach diet ruled out fruit for 2 weeks. I really love fruit, since I don’t get enough veggies. I did great on that until I came into contact with cake. (mmmm, cake.) Yeah, I was totally derailed after that. The Zone diet has “blocks” that overwhelm me. Weight Watchers has points, but I tend to use my points on crap and skip the healthy stuff. Jenny Craig has food I don’t like. I have an excuse for all of it, and it boils down to me not being able to say no to sweets and breads. So I’ve decided to do something different—I’m cutting out the starches and lowering the carbs, and eating more greens, more protein, more fruit. It’s a change to a healthier diet, without measuring or counting anything, and without expecting to lose chunks of fat per week..

Also, I have to change my focus. I will never arrive at a certain size and be able to maintain it unless I’m FOREVER on a restricted diet. I will never be the high metabolism person who can eat her cake and ice cream without paying a price. So I will not one day be able to eat anything I want. I will forever have to keep my weight in check.

My family struggles with my desire to change my diet. They get testy when I say, “I can’t eat that” or “Can I have that without the bread?” and “Can we make some green beans instead of chips?”. At work, our chef has started her “summer, figure friendly” meals, which is basically a sandwich and chips. Umm, that’s not healthy at all. So I find myself with a drawer full of green bean cans at work now, along with a can opener. I have my own salad dressing that I keep with me. I now take vitamins (a probiotic, a digestive enzyme, cod liver oil, and B-12) to help me poop, help me digest, give me energy, and help my heart and inflammation. I am lugging this bag of paraphernalia with me—vitamins, food, and exercise gear (and sometimes skates)—and it gets frustrating at times.

I am still going to the gym, and skating on Wednesdays. I have 4 more sessions with my trainer and I’m finished. I still have my gym membership, and I have a lot of info and exercises to keep me busy. I am stronger now, and I can feel it. I’m always sore somewhere on my body.

But I have to learn to say NO to the potatoes and corn and bread and cake and ice cream and French fries and brownies. . . . . .. ..

God, give me strength!!!

Monday, June 1, 2009

Shameful Christianity

So, I read that the abortion doctor who performs late term abortions was gunned down in church. I have seen and heard so much hate spewed since the incident occurred, and it shames me as a Christian to be associated with such a despicable, arrogant class of people.

No matter your views on why he should/should not be in church, and abortions at any stage of fetal development, killing him was equivalent to judging him and his character. It was basically saying, “God, you are an idiot to allow this man to live, so I will be the judge and jury in your place. Maybe next time you will get it right!” If you think that he deserved it because fetuses died at his hands, you are acting as judge yourself. Whether he did the right or wrong thing, killing him does not bring justice. Don't forget that we judge others on their actions and ourselves on our intentions.

Christians infuriate me when they use the church as their stepping stool to hurl their judgmental venom at others--especially for highly controversial issues such as this. How quickly the word “love” gets lost in our righteous indignation.

To some Christians, love is not very unconditional. I hope God loves me much greater than I could ever love him or anyone else. I hear his love is unconditional, and I can only pray he is more forgiving than I am.