Thursday, January 21, 2010


I have been recovering from my surgery, and am now on week 3. My incision is healing nicely, and my pain is nearly gone. However, I now feel my colon more than ever,my bladder, and my kidneys. It's a dull pain that gnaws at me, but isn't big enough to require narcotics. My doctor assured me that the scraping that was done made those organs sensitive, and they were still settling into their life that is now free from endometriosis.
I have not had hot flashes, but it's as if my body temp has risen 20 degrees the last few days. My typically cold body gets warm very easily. I believe my fetish for blankets may come to an end if this continues. I have been testy, partly due to being hot.
The hardest part is the emotional. I have found the physical recovery to be simpler than I thought. But I still have my moments of getting overwhelmed at seeing a baby, or something will make me think of living the rest of my life without a child, and I will grieve all over again. I know that I will ultimately be OK with my life, but for now I still struggle. I only recently began praying again, and it feels very hollow to do it. I feel like I lost all bearings in life, and I'm floating in the darkness. I am depressed and I recognize that. So I try not to let my mind linger in that black hole for long.
But I will survive. I have no other choice. My dogs need me.

Friday, January 8, 2010

It's done

As an update, I am home from the hospital. I had the surgery on Monday morning. I wasn't so much nervous, as I was ready to get it over with. My friend Kelsy was there, and that made me feel good. I came out of surgery in horrible pain and with nausea. I remember asking my mom how it went, and she said, "They took it all. Ovaries and all. You had endometriosis." I was shocked. The morphine drip barely handled the pain the first night, but finally seemed to do the trick around 2AM. I ended up with major itching all over my body from the morphine. I also drifted in and out of consciousness. I remember taking a drink of water, and falling asleep without swallowing. I heard my mom say, "Are you gonna swallow that?" I woke up and realized it was still sitting in my mouth.

After the doctor visited with me, I found out that the surgery came just in time. In my surgery just over a year ago, I had fallopian tubes connected to my colon. They were seperated, and the attachment was due to my colon becoming inflamed at some point. (My IBS explains that.) My doctor opened me up, and found endometriosis on my colon, my other organs, in and out of everything, had even formed their own cysts. They had to remove the uterus, cervix, tubes, and ovaries. She told me my pain was probably more dramatic than anyone realized, and that she was glad I was persistent with my claims. She said that she had no idea she would encounter that, and I will have a lot of relief once I am healed.

I am at home recuperating now. I have an 8" incision in my abdobmen. But I'm on hormones, and I'm looking forward to the future.