I was absent a lot from church during this relationship, and I struggled with that. I didn’t intend to quit church, but I also allowed this man to dominate my time. There was no time for church, as long as I was with him. In the end, his controlling nature became more and more clear, and as he crossed a major line with me and my home, I found myself alone again, and unsure of whether or not I could return to church. When I did, I had a whole new respect for those who don’t come regularly, and those who disappear for time periods. You just don’t know the struggles people encounter in life that keeps them at bay. When they do return, the last thing they need is to be scrutinized.
I was reminded that I still struggle with many codependent areas. But I recognize them when they occur. I have this weird need to get approval of certain people around me. Those people will never provide me “approval” because they hold power by withholding it. Therefore, I waste my time trying to earn something that I cannot earn and truly don’t need.