Thursday, January 21, 2010


I have been recovering from my surgery, and am now on week 3. My incision is healing nicely, and my pain is nearly gone. However, I now feel my colon more than ever,my bladder, and my kidneys. It's a dull pain that gnaws at me, but isn't big enough to require narcotics. My doctor assured me that the scraping that was done made those organs sensitive, and they were still settling into their life that is now free from endometriosis.
I have not had hot flashes, but it's as if my body temp has risen 20 degrees the last few days. My typically cold body gets warm very easily. I believe my fetish for blankets may come to an end if this continues. I have been testy, partly due to being hot.
The hardest part is the emotional. I have found the physical recovery to be simpler than I thought. But I still have my moments of getting overwhelmed at seeing a baby, or something will make me think of living the rest of my life without a child, and I will grieve all over again. I know that I will ultimately be OK with my life, but for now I still struggle. I only recently began praying again, and it feels very hollow to do it. I feel like I lost all bearings in life, and I'm floating in the darkness. I am depressed and I recognize that. So I try not to let my mind linger in that black hole for long.
But I will survive. I have no other choice. My dogs need me.


Naida Lee said...

your friends need you too! :)
i'm glad you're healing physically good and i really hope for your emotional recovery to follow soon!we need to get together again sometime soon. i think we should make that awesome homemade pizza again!

luke said...

sorry I'm late reading your blog ... but ditto Naida - we all need you!

when I'm depressed, I can only pray *shallow* prayers - but not hollow. sometimes we're just stretched so thin we can't hold very much. but I try to pray sincerely, even if it's just a little short prayer.