Monday, May 4, 2009

Recurring Dreams

I have 2 recurring dreams. Granted, the details are never exactly the same, but there are enough similarities for them to be considered the same. The first I will tell because I have had it for years and grasp its meaning to me:

I'm walking on campus at OU in Norman. It's finals time, and I haven't been to a single class. I have to pass. I can't figure out where any of the classes are. I'm panicking because I realize how I've screwed myself by blowing off the semester. And most of the time, I'm naked, and can't get clothes to stay on.

Now, I did have a few classes my freshman year of college that I rarely attended, and found myself very nervous at test time because I realized my mistake in blowing off the classes. However, I attended enough to know when tests were, what homework was due, etc. And I passed both classes. I have this dream when I am very stressed at work. I have it when I am overwhelmed and frustrated with myself. But when I'm naked in the dream, it's when I've found myself in a very vulnerable position. for whatever reason, I feel exposed emotionally.

Now to the hard one. I've had dream #1 since I graduated college 13 years ago. This next dream has only been recurring for the last 3 years, so I haven't had a chance to really grasp it yet:

I am getting remarried to my ex husband. He has come back to me, full of apologies and love and hope and I am remarrying him. But I am not happy to be marrying him. I am only doing it out of obligation--as if it's my christian duty to make that thing work that ended years ago. I resent him, but I go through with it because it's what I'm "supposed" to do. The dream I had the other night took it a step further than ever before: I was in a wedding dress. I was waiting for him at the end of the aisle. Hardly anyone was in attendance, and he showed up in jeans and tennis shoes and a t-shirt, thrilled to be marrying me again. I was embarrassed to be dressed in such a nice dress for a wedding I didn't want, when he arrived looking like he was about to do yardwork for a wedding he did want. I remember thinking, "In a year I'll have 2 divorces behind me, and to the same man! How loser is that!"

Why, 4 years after my divorce, this man has crept into my dreams escapes me. And why it's recurring just drives me nuts. I honestly believe that if he came back, the feelings I had in my dreams are the same I would have in reality--apathy and disinterest. I have no desire to rekindle anything, because there wasn't much kindling there the first time. So it leaves me wondering what it means . . . .


FHL_Always said...

Well here's my opinion for what it's worth.

I have dreams like the first that you mentioned and I definitely think that it is purely anxiety. According to some sites online, some say that it represents that you felt like you were being judged.

The second dream that you're having about your ex-husband according to Jungian psychology would represent the opposite of what you would think. Instead of warmth and love, it represents a death of the current. Which is why I think you recognize that you have no desire to get back with him. It's a death of some sort. I don't know if I truly believe what this says online...but it's someone's opinion! haha

Kristi said...

I'm open to any ideas at this point. The school dream doesn't freak me out anymore because I wake up understanding why I had it. And I also wake up, look around, and am relieved--Oh, yeah, I graduated years ago! But the marriage one just annoys me.

Phyllis Renée said...

I have a similar dream about my ex-husband. Usually, though, in the dream we are already married (not a wedding dream) and I'm thinking to myself, "How could this happen? I don't want to be married to *him* I want to be married to Randy!" But, for whatever reason, there is a sense that this is how it has to be.

Now I've had this dream several times over the years and have come to the conclusion that I will have these dreams when the situations or circumstnces in my real life are out of my control., when there is nothing that I can do about them and must accept things the way they are.

But I'm not sure if that will really help, because in your dream you are getting married -- there's still time to say no. You still have control of the situation.

Kristi said...

I think you hit onto something. In this dream, we did marry and I was stuck. But in dreams before, I was doing this because I was supposed to do it. I remember in one dream thinking--this is what God intends, so I have to do it. So, yes, I have that feeling of being stuck. Like everything is out of my control. Thus, I have no control. Yikes, that just may be the key here. Because I've felt very out of control for a long time now.