Close friends know that I have dreams that have meaning to me. Some dreams are recurring. Some are the result of imagination. But every now and then I have one that strikes me as being more than just a moment of stupidity in my psyche. These dreams are usually very vivid, and randomly haunt me throughout my day.
This morning when I awoke, I remembered a very vivid dream. I dismmissed it as I prepared for my day. But randomly, that dream continued to pop into my head. Finally, this evening, I called my sister and told her about it.
I was repairing a screen door that was framed in wood. There was no solid door in this opening. It was simply a screen door that separated inside from outside. The door looked as if it had been nearly ripped off its hinges and the frame was loose. The walls were made of concrete, so they were solid. But the concrete edges had been chipped away at the door opening. I also remember seeing cracks in the wall near the door. My goal was to better secure the door and frame, and to caulk and seal any gaps. It would not look new when I finished, but it would be solid and sealed enough for use. I put a nail in the door frame to secure it to the wall, and then opened the screen door to see how stable it was. It was not stable at all, and that's when I realized the frame had been nearly ripped out of the openeing. This would require a lot more fasteners. But I had plenty, and I had the time, so I was just going to do it.
Having taught on boundaries, I know that I have nice, thick, concrete walls to protect myself from others. But every wall has a door at some point. If the house in the dream is me, then I had a screen door for an opening. That's not so bad. We are supposed to have boundaries with others, but healthy boundaries are like chain link fences--where people can see in and out, and air can move in and out, but lines are clearly marked.
Someone must have torn through that door with such force that they nearly removed the frame out of concrete. That would take a lot of force, a lot of determination, and a complete lack of respect. It was going to take extra time and work to mend it. But I knew how to fix it.
Doors are for entry and exit, and are how we connect with others. A man recently blasted through my door, took what he wanted, and was gone as quickly as he arrived. It happened so fast and with such determination on his part, that he damaged not just my door but my framework. He had no respect for me. He is a predator. He found my one vulnerable entry, and he bashed it.
This is two fold--I hate to believe that someone I trusted was truly a predator, but I now believe he was. He has some amazing gifts that he has chosen to use for his own personal gain, and intentionally hurting others. I see how he damaged the door to my heart. However, on the up side, I have had to repair the door to my heart before. I know what it takes. I can and will do this.