Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Waste of a Gorgeous Man


I have been doing some research, some delving into my own mind and heart. I have accused the last guy I dated of being a Narcissist, and so I began researching the disorder. The answers I never got from him, I believe I found in my articles. Here is a series of funny but serious quotes on Narcissists:

http://narcissistic.co/narcissistic-quotes-quotations-sayings.html

Narcissists are all about being adored and looked up to. They have a commanding demeanor, and they are charming. But they are also very insecure and need constant adoration. They suck in their prey with grace and charm, but once that prey shows her intelligence and any signs of strength--that she is not going to be a complete subordinate--she is dropped for another. The narcissist cannot stand for anyone to see him for who he truly is. If she is unfortunate enough to be kept around, he will cheat on her, use her, and control her. She will be so horrifically codependent that leaving will eventualy seem impossible. Those like me who were shut out without reason are left to wonder WTF happened. And the truth is, the Narcissist said love, but he didn't mean it. He said a lot of things he didn't mean. He really has no idea how to love anyone but himself. I believe he even loathes himself, but has a huge self-preservation part of him that stems from life's traumas. Narcissists are manipulators. They don't show much guilt or shame, because they are above that.

I believe he stormed into my walls and saw my heart and realized it was too strong to tolerate the likes of him for long. Maybe he found another person who suited his fancy. That's OK, because history shows she will fall victim to his cruelty as well. If not, I pity her for the abuse she will endure.

I do not hate this man, and sadly I do still love who I thought he was. But I do see that his love for me was false. I also see that he needs serious therapy.

It's such a waste of such a good looking specimen, to have a head so fucked up. But it is what it is.


2 comments:

luke said...

interesting addendum: Narcissus mistook his mirror image for a real person - he died because he had no external connection to reality.

Kristi said...

Wow! Excellent addendum!!!! What a lonely existence--to be so disconnected like that.